All my life I’ve been an inconsistent person. I’d start a sport, and then a few months I’d quit. I’d work really hard in class and then I’d get bored. I’d get a new job and then quit. I’d start a business and then decide to start a different one. I’d build really great relationships and then break them.
It’s a deadly weakness of mine that I must solve. But throughout this time, there has been one constant. My enjoyment of writing.
Recently, I’ve been feeling like I’ve lost direction in my life and that my motivations have dampened. I’ve been feeling very lost and a sense that I don’t know who I am anymore. In an attempt to solve this problem, I opened up my journal.
Writing has always been a fresh air to me in an ocean of chaos. A mountain top to climb and look over my life and reflect. A place where I can escape the daily grind of life and come out refreshed with new ideas and perspectives. And although It’s something I’ve been doing for a really long time, and although it’s something I enjoy quite a lot, it still has not been something that I’ve done consistently enough.
They say that you should do something you love so that it never feels like work. As a 25 year old man, more confused than ever about what I want to do with my life and what I actually enjoy, I have found writing to be one of those few things where I am confident will always have a place in my life.
In the past, I had planned to start blogs for the purpose of business. I would brainstorm ideas, and research the most profitable niches to write about. And just as the other businesses that I wanted to start, they didn’t last very long. I didn’t care about these profitable niches. I didn’t give enough of a fuck about business software or how to budget to spend my free time researching and writing about them.
But what I hadn’t stopped doing throughout the past 3 years was journaling. Whenever I was confused or sad or extremely happy, I would write. It’s always been an easy way for me to distill my thoughts, organize my brain, and it serves as a creative outlet for me.
A lot of the content online about blogs is geared towards monetizing. They all speak about profitable niches, products to sell, getting traffic etc. And that’s always been my roadblock. Of course I care about money, but that’s what my job is for. I expend my energy doing something I don’t necessarily love during my work day. I don’t want to spend my personal time doing the same thing as well.
And today, while I journaled, I realized my love for writing and the immense value I get from practicing it. So I decided that I’d start a blog to help me do it more consistently. But I’ll start one without the intention of monetizing or driving traffic or anything business-related. I decided to start an anonymous blog that will serve as a reason for me to write, a reason to think, and a reason to research topics, people, and ideas that I find interesting.
I will not write off the possibility that this might one day turn into a business. That would be a dream if I could make a lot of money doing this, but this is not my goal. I just want to do something that I enjoy and that brings value to my life. Something that’s not attached to any monetary gain.
I wanted to do something for the sake of doing it. Ever sense I developed an obsession for money years ago, it feels like almost everything I do must be checked against the filter of “will this make me money”
Too much focus on that aspect will drive a man to madness. There is so much more to life than money. In fact, money itself isn’t even about money. The only reason money matters is because its an end to a means. But what use is the money if getting it, destroys the pleasure of the end?
This blog is not my means. It is an end. It is what I would do if I had all the money in the world. Writing is what I would do if I did not feel the pressure to make money, or care for a family, or gain status in the world. And seeing as I could do it while fulfilling my other duties as a man, I’ve decided to go straight to the end.
Who knows, it might also become my means.